Kissyfacebook Revisited & Some New Ideas

    I've never before had the problem of people taking me too seriously.  Now, I think, that may be exactly the case.  There may be people in Cyberland who believe I am the Grinch in disguise; an anti-young-love, non-emotional Vulcan who likes to throw cold water on the flames of love.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I find young love, endearing comments and adoring doe-eye looks refreshing.  I see these as signs that our younger generation is fighting off the increasing pressure to reduce relationships to convenient partnerships.
    I believe this misunderstanding comes partially from the failure to appreciate my brand of humor. I have a natural ability to spot chinks in other people's armor and a very hard-to-control desire to take shots at those chinks.  And, to be truthful, as long as I continue to get laughs I'll continue to take the shots.  I do believe my sense of propriety has improved with age, though.  I often choke down some pretty funny stuff before it gets a chance to exit my mouth because I  have sensed a vulnerability I know I should respect.  But I also know I sometimes misjudge situations.  Humor is a difficult skill, and written humor is even more difficult due to the lack of inflection, emphases, facial expression, volume and other subtleties of body language.
    The other contributing factor to a possible misunderstanding is the chance that people have overlooked the "future" aspect of the article.  I haven't yet encountered any communication that has made me blush, wish I hadn't read it or otherwise made me feel so uncomfortable that I stopped reading it.  I was letting my imagination make a trip into one possible future.
    I have other ideas about how this social networking phenomenon could evolve.  For instance, what if all comments had to be filtered through generational and parental filters, or even translators?  New, yet-to-be-invented DNA testing instruments would be required before any comments could be posted, and parents' and grandparents' comments would be evaluated by a special program and tweaked so as not to cause any embarrassment to the young person to whose wall the comment was being posted.  It would look something like this:  Young woman posts: "Great time at the beach yesterday!"  Father comments: "Hey, Snookles, I remember the first time we took you to the beach.  You ripped off your bathing suit and ran naked up and down the shoreline.  I've attached a photo."  What actually gets posted: "Glad for you" (no photo). 
    Another possible change would be aimed at keeping old folks, who I like to refer to as wobblies, from making comments about things about which they know absolutely nothing.  I don't know if the DNA testing would work for this or if something else would have to be invented to detect old genes, white hair and out-of-touch social awareness.  I envision this conversation: Young man posts: "Beach yestr w/BGF. alt 6y girls. 1 w/BOBFOC near us. deets l8r. psos."  Old guy comments: "Glad you had a good time at the beach with your big green floaties.  Good idea to have brought along those alternate girls.  I'm glad to hear Bob was there.  He needs a little sun.  Were there mosquitoes out?  You have to be careful not to use too much of that Deet 18 rated stuff.  Glad it was positive for you."  What actually gets posted: OFN0 (Old fart knows nothing).
    Maybe everyone over 60 could be kept completely off fb by providing an alternative like Kissyfacebook.  This one would be Wrinklefacebook.  As with kfb, a whole new line of products could be developed for marketing: huge keyboards like those old-guy TV remotes, slower internet connections so they don't get too confused and automatic photo enhancers that make them look 20 years younger in their profile pictures (so they don't have to use a photo that is 20 years old with telltale hair styles and ancient clothing).
    Remember, I came up with this idea first. I expect royalties when Facebook launches this.  I saw Social Network.

A Suggestion for the Future of FB

                Remember when Facebook was a sea of mundane trivia suggesting a population with such narrow world views that they believed everyone would be intensely interested in information like, "I'm eating a bowl of oatmeal" or "I think I'll brush my teeth"?  Slowly we began seeing those banalities replaced by thoughts and questions;  "I just noticed that my pinky toes are longer than the ones next to them." or "I'm wondering how to heat up some soup when my microwave is broken?"  Then we began getting invitations to take surveys and join groups and causes and to be friends with people we haven't seen (some for good reasons) for the past forty years.  And how could we leave out the advent of that plethora of Facebook games?  How many times do I have to turn down invitations to become a mobster or farmer? 

                I have noticed that my involvement level with Facebook has evolved alongside the site itself.  When I first signed up I was so unimpressed that I only logged in about once a month.  I now find myself checking in at least once or twice a week.   When I came to this realization I was frightened.  What had happened to me?  Had I slowly succumbed to some form of cyber brainwashing?  I took a hard, analytical look and discovered the content on Facebook had evolved to a level of some interest.  People are interacting with one another.  They are posting some deep thoughts.  True, some are only relatively deep, but they often provoke others to question and ponder.  There is something else happening: fun!  People are joking with one another without getting obscene or angry.

                 But there's also a direction to some conversations that has me a little concerned, so I have a suggestion for the future of Facebook.  I have noticed that some comments have evolved so far from the mundane oatmeal-like comments that perhaps an entirely new, or parallel, Facebook page would be helpful.  While I found those comments about teeth brushing and toe observance so incredibly boring as to evoke a feeling of hopelessness for the human race, some of the digital conversations I observe today leave me feeling a little like a peeping Tom.  I, and who knows how many others, are unsuspecting readers of some very personal conversations; conversations that I don't believe would be voiced in my physical presence.  Ah, the freedom of impersonal modes of communication!  But, oh, the unintended consequences of laying it all out there for everyone and anyone to see.

                So, here is my suggestion.  The Facebook powers (still Zuckerberg?) should launch a parallel site called Kissyfacebook.  Anyone who wants to digitally lavish Mister or Miss or Missus Wonderful with mush would click on the Kissyfacebook icon (I'm envisioning two face profiles in the shape of hearts with lips gently touching)  and let their keyboards drip with honey.  They should pour perfume and cologne all over those l, o, v and e keys and feel them heat up as they type.  They could purchase extra x and o keys to keep on hand for replacement duty when the others wear out.  An entire line of lovesick keyboard and monitor products could be marketed for the Kissyfacebook members; cleanser to get the lip gloss off the touch screen, mini fire extinguishers for overwrought keyboards, "hot" keys that will allow the use of endearing names and phrases with just the push of one or two keys, and how about a "smoke alarm" on the Kissyfacebook page that automatically rates the interaction to warn off those who might be embarrassed by entering in?   One little wisp of smoke = This is cute!  Two little wisp icons = Whoa, this is serious!  Three wisps = Someone's blushing.   Four wisps = Hands check!  Five wisps = Get a room!!

                Remember, you read it here first.  I expect royalties when this thing catches on.  I saw Social Network.