"Never before have so many written so much to be read by so few."

I will write about anything that disturbs me, concerns me, scares me, puzzles me or makes me laugh. I hope to be able to educate regularly, and entertain most of the time.

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Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A Break With Tradition: I Am Making a Resolution!



                I’ve never been one to get too excited about New Year’s Day and the accompanying celebrations.  It has always seemed like a very artificial demarcation to me.  If people want to lose weight, quit smoking, volunteer more or reduce their debt, they can determine to do so any day of the year.  From what I can gather, only about eight percent of those making resolutions actually keep them.  So, why bother?
                Well, I’m breaking with my own beliefs this year.  I am going to make a resolution.  If I were as smart as I think I am, I would make it as easy to keep as possible.  But, for me to make such a break with my own scruples, I would have to be compelled by something quite important to me, not just something easily fulfilled.
                A little background may be necessary at this point.  I have always been, but only recently discovered that I am an introvert.  I’ve been reading a book by Susan Cain, QUIET, the Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.  She dispelled my long-held belief that an introvert is a quiet, wallflower, socially inept person who hates speaking to groups in public.  I am none of those.  However, I prefer small celebrations to large ones.  I am energized by throwing myself into a solo project that interests me.  I truly do not want anyone to see any of my projects until I’ve completed them.  I would rather express myself in writing than verbally.  I enjoy solitude.  I’m not a big risk-taker.  I tend to think before I speak.  I prefer letting phone calls go to voice mail rather than answering all of them.  All of those things make me more of an introvert than an extrovert.
                Ms. Cain correctly points out, however, quoting Carl Jung, “There is no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert.  Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum.”  I can, and often do, enjoy large parties, though they usually aren’t my first choice.  I can, and often enjoy, working on projects with other people.  I am quite capable and actually enjoy expressing myself verbally, even to groups, without any undo fear.  While solitude is a comfort, I need and enjoy being with others, just not all the time.  I have taken risks, and found them invigorating, though I have to overcome physical, emotional, and mental obstacles before engaging in risky behavior.  I don’t always think everything though before opening my mouth.  I will answer the phone if I know who is calling and I’m not otherwise engaged.  What I learned from Ms. Cain is that there are degrees of introversion and extroversion. 
                I have an additional factor that I hesitate to share, but since I know only about a dozen or so Facebook friends will even read this, I will take the risk.  I have a fragile ego.  This has been a fact my whole life, but I only admitted it to myself when I was well into my twenties.  As a child, I dealt with this low self-esteem problem by overcompensating.  I was loud and rude.  I tried to force my friendship on others.  When I did become friends with someone, I usually clung a little too tightly.  I have traced this insecurity to a specific incident in my life, one I will not share at this time, which I have never completely overcome.
                How does this look to others?  I am afraid many people misinterpret some of my statements.  For instance, when I tell others I am an introvert, they may not understand the definition I am using, and assume I would rather not spend any time with them at all.  Others may interpret the fact that I don’t easily mingle, meeting new people and reconnecting with old ones as a lack of desire to establish and nurture relationships, or even as an expression of an attitude of superiority.  The truth is I am afraid of being rejected, so I avoid that scenario when possible.
               Today, January 1, 2014, I will begin an attempt a change.  Not my basic being.  I am and always will be an introvert.  However, I am going to stop telling people I am one.  And I am going to forcibly push my fears aside and be more of a mingling person and relationship builder.  I could begin any day, but January 1st just seems so right, doesn’t it?

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