On Father's Day, Learn from the Best

                I met my father when I was eighteen years old.  Well, not really, but that’s when I clearly remember him.  All my other memories of him are rather murky.  He was with my brother and I at my sister’s funeral.  He came home from work early to check on me when I nearly severed my finger in a house fan.  He took my brothers and I to see a Rodan movie.  And, of course, I remember him saying good-bye to us all in our little apartment on Pacific Avenue.  Shadows, really.  Not real memories.  Not until I was out of high school, and he sought me out to apologize for vanishing from my life for ten important, formative years, did I have the opportunity to form real memories.  But even they were sporadic and short-lived.  I had college to attend, jobs to perform, ministries to do, and a wife to meet.  He had plans, as well.  Our paths crossed occasionally, but not such that either of us could get to know the other.  Then, he was gone, a victim to a stroke.

                Today my wife told me she was glad I was the father of her children.  I am too.  But I stand amazed that I had any shot at all at being a father.  You know what I mean.  Any fool can father dozens of children, and many have, but to be a father requires much more than animal instincts and opportunities.  A man needs to have some reference point, some model to imitate, or at least to learn from.  My learning came from television, movies, and what I could observe in other families.  Unfortunately, for my kids, I had to learn on the job. 

                My father-in-law provided a very clear example, for which I am grateful.  As a result of his impact on his daughter, she was able to guide me through some difficult learning experiences as well.  I am thankful for James Dobson, as his books offered some very constructive and practical advice when I needed it the most.  Most of all, I am thankful for churches full of devoted fathers who set examples that I could watch, albeit as a spectator at an arena.  I took in those moments when they had to respond to children who were interrupting a conversation, or running when they should have been walking, or yelling when they should have been whispering.  I watched from a few pews back as they not only controlled, but taught their children during worship services.  I couldn’t help but notice that many of them brought their older kids with them when there was a work day at the church, giving them meaningful jobs to perform alongside their dads.  I doubt any of them had any idea they were mentoring me, but I was watching closely.

                The greatest influence on my life as a father, however, came from the Word of God.  Those who have never read the Bible, or who have only read it as a source of academic knowledge, have missed out on the most profound teachings and exhibitions of what a father ought to be.  This is where I began to learn about teachable moments, forgiveness, and unconditional love.  It was in this book I learned about the sacrifices a father must make, and the accompanying joys of doing so.  This is how I learned about disciplining as an act of love, in order to build up a child.  God provided himself as my role model.

                My wife and children can easily fill you in on all the mistakes I made as a father.  In my mind, there is no end to the list.  But in recent years I have come to realize an amazing truth.  Children who love their father are anxious to understand and forgive.  I could, and I have in the past, work myself into a depressed state thinking about all the things I should have done differently.  But I choose a different point of view these days.  I see two wonderful people who have grown into terrific spouses and parents, who love the Lord and serve him.  I guess I didn’t do too badly.  And I thank my heavenly father for that.