Music And All That Jazz

A "jazzy" lady strutting her stuff.  I offered to buy one of these shirts, but she said she didn't need one.  Huh?

   Last year I finally managed to attend the Sacramento Jazz Festival and Jubilee.  I dragged my wife along this year.  I enjoy all kinds of music, including jazz, but find I need a break from any one genre every once in awhile.  There were a few groups I particularly enjoyed both years, my favorite being a zydeco band called Gator Beat (http://www.gatorbeat.com/).  I normally do not get excited about live performances.  Past experiences have left me frustrated because I could not hear the artist over the crowd.  However, this venue is very different.  Part of the fun of hearing jazz in person is watching the true enthusiasts do their thing.  Women come to the event decked out in threads, colors and beads.  When a song they particularly enjoy is played, they get up and prance up and down the aisles with their gaudy umbrellas trying to get a jazzy version of a conga line started.

   This year some of the groups on the schedule baffled me.  I understand the jazz connection to Afrobeat, the Blues and R&B, but when did mariachi music, Johnny Cash impersonations and western swing become forms of jazz?   

   I have a secret desire to sing the national anthem at some public event…sometime before I lose the range.  I do not have a smooth, velvety voice, but I can carry a tune and so far I have not heard of anybody vomiting in response to my tenor tones.  And I know I could do at least as well as many people I have heard trash that song (Roseanne Barr and Carl Lewis come to mind).  You can hear the worst of the worst by searching for “bad national anthem performances” on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com).  Anyway, I am thinking this could launch a second career for me; Senior American Idol.

    In preparation for this entirely reasonable turn of events, I have been contemplating a stage name.  I have noticed that all the famous singers of our day have only one name.  It did not used to be that way.  Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby and Ella Fitzgerald did just fine with both their names.  However, today it is Bono, Lady Gaga, Meat Loaf (Ok, those are two words, but I consider them examples of one weird name.  “Don’t do it, Meat!”), Beyonce, Brandy, Eminem, Jewel, Madonna, Pink, Seal, Usher and Shakira are just a few that come to mind.  Therefore, I thought maybe I could take the stage name “Tom.”  Not really catchy enough, is it?  So, I am toying with “Gentleman Googoo.”  What do you think?

   Of course, I would need a gimmick.  Cash wore black.  Shakira does that wiggle thing.  Tim McGraw is seldom without that big cowboy hat and those bulging muscles.  Since they are all fairly successful, I am considering a combination of all three.  I already have the muscles and black clothing.  I would just need to find the right hat and fine-tune my wiggle.  There is no way this would not become a huge success.

   If I stick to the right kind of music, like 50’s and 60’s teeny bopper hits, I should be a shoe in for next year’s Sacramento Jazz Festival and Jubilee.