A Suggestion for the Future of FB

                Remember when Facebook was a sea of mundane trivia suggesting a population with such narrow world views that they believed everyone would be intensely interested in information like, "I'm eating a bowl of oatmeal" or "I think I'll brush my teeth"?  Slowly we began seeing those banalities replaced by thoughts and questions;  "I just noticed that my pinky toes are longer than the ones next to them." or "I'm wondering how to heat up some soup when my microwave is broken?"  Then we began getting invitations to take surveys and join groups and causes and to be friends with people we haven't seen (some for good reasons) for the past forty years.  And how could we leave out the advent of that plethora of Facebook games?  How many times do I have to turn down invitations to become a mobster or farmer? 

                I have noticed that my involvement level with Facebook has evolved alongside the site itself.  When I first signed up I was so unimpressed that I only logged in about once a month.  I now find myself checking in at least once or twice a week.   When I came to this realization I was frightened.  What had happened to me?  Had I slowly succumbed to some form of cyber brainwashing?  I took a hard, analytical look and discovered the content on Facebook had evolved to a level of some interest.  People are interacting with one another.  They are posting some deep thoughts.  True, some are only relatively deep, but they often provoke others to question and ponder.  There is something else happening: fun!  People are joking with one another without getting obscene or angry.

                 But there's also a direction to some conversations that has me a little concerned, so I have a suggestion for the future of Facebook.  I have noticed that some comments have evolved so far from the mundane oatmeal-like comments that perhaps an entirely new, or parallel, Facebook page would be helpful.  While I found those comments about teeth brushing and toe observance so incredibly boring as to evoke a feeling of hopelessness for the human race, some of the digital conversations I observe today leave me feeling a little like a peeping Tom.  I, and who knows how many others, are unsuspecting readers of some very personal conversations; conversations that I don't believe would be voiced in my physical presence.  Ah, the freedom of impersonal modes of communication!  But, oh, the unintended consequences of laying it all out there for everyone and anyone to see.

                So, here is my suggestion.  The Facebook powers (still Zuckerberg?) should launch a parallel site called Kissyfacebook.  Anyone who wants to digitally lavish Mister or Miss or Missus Wonderful with mush would click on the Kissyfacebook icon (I'm envisioning two face profiles in the shape of hearts with lips gently touching)  and let their keyboards drip with honey.  They should pour perfume and cologne all over those l, o, v and e keys and feel them heat up as they type.  They could purchase extra x and o keys to keep on hand for replacement duty when the others wear out.  An entire line of lovesick keyboard and monitor products could be marketed for the Kissyfacebook members; cleanser to get the lip gloss off the touch screen, mini fire extinguishers for overwrought keyboards, "hot" keys that will allow the use of endearing names and phrases with just the push of one or two keys, and how about a "smoke alarm" on the Kissyfacebook page that automatically rates the interaction to warn off those who might be embarrassed by entering in?   One little wisp of smoke = This is cute!  Two little wisp icons = Whoa, this is serious!  Three wisps = Someone's blushing.   Four wisps = Hands check!  Five wisps = Get a room!!

                Remember, you read it here first.  I expect royalties when this thing catches on.  I saw Social Network.